I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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