Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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