how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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