Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize