she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
