Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Randomize
