Pappa wants mamma naked
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
