Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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