Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
