I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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