Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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