Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
where does the pee come out of this thing
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The dick lei will go down in squad history
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
