i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
