Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
