So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
