69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize