i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
