I wanna bring you to show and tell
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
