Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I checked into jail on foursquare
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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