He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
