Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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