Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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