Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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