How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
