I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
