She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
