why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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