you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
