There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
