if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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