You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
