member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
