After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
4 words: hood of his car
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
