you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
