My liver just broke up with me...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
