she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize