White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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