She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
