They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
