You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
