The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
