Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Randomize
