i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
