I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
