So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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