So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
