I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
