ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
