I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize