i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
