how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
