So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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