The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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