Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Buhtt sex?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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