Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
