The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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