The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
