I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You can't motorboat a personality
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
