Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
