Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
