My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
