Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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