Your mouth is God's brothel.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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