Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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