see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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