Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
