just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
