i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
