There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
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