Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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