you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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