The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize